I hate infomercials

Last night I sat down with all three boys and played Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for a little over an hour on PS3. This was the first time the twins have been allowed to play with the PS3 at all since it was purchased, although Caleb gets some screen time coaching my B–spec driver in GT5 when I’m too lazy to be giving all the commands. It was a challenge for me. Most everything in our house is community property, but there are a few things that are off limits to everyone under the age of 18; guitars, keyboard, PS3, my cell phone, power tools, kitchen appliances, machetes, laptops, and everything else dangerous or fragile.

Last night Hannah and I watched an episode of “The Middle” where the parents take back their lives from their children. Every few minutes I would look at Hannah and say, “I am so glad we don’t let our children run our lives.” We all know that family whose children are involved in every activity under the sun so they are all stretched so thin that you can see right through them straight to all the crazy being hidden behind the thin veil of busyness. I like to have a nice thick layer of reclusiveness hiding all my insanity so I can at least maintain the illusion of competency to the rest of the world. Hannah and I made a commitment to one another and our unborn children when we were first married to avoid becoming that family. Often we stray too far to the opposite extreme, hiding from things that will challenge and grow both us and our children in order to avoid becoming ‘too busy’. We use it as an excuse for laziness, but I promise it does come from a place of good intention. I understand that there are different personality types and some people are simply more driven than others, but I’ve rarely seen a soccer mom who just arrived from karate practice with kid number 2 to soccer practice with kid number 3 and had to leave half-way through to pick up kid number 1 look anything that even remotely resembled peaceful and joyful. I never wanted my wife to be a chauffeur to my children. Sure, a large part of being a mom is playing travel agent until one of the kids is old enough to drive then she gets to move to a slightly more administrative role like transportation secretary, but the driving isn’t the heart of the issue.

I’m afraid we’re misrepresenting the real world a little bit if we bend to every interest and whim of our kids. Now that I’m grown and have a family there are times when I desperately want something but I don’t have a supermom hanging around anymore to make it happen for me. I’ve had to make some really tough choices over the years that I wasn’t completely prepared for. Fortunately I feel like I had a little bit of a leg up on most people my age because my parents pushed me to think for myself and bear the responsibility for my actions from a young age, but even with that for my tutelage I had some battles that very nearly knocked me on my bum. I love guitars. I was not very musical growing up. I sang in all the school plays and programs and even had the lead in many of them, but then when my voice changed my choir teacher said, and I quote, “Jeremy, have you ever considered band?” That totally destroyed any musical aspirations for an awkward insecure Jr. High boy. It wasn’t until Hannah and I were married that I had the opportunity to start learning an instrument, but even then I only borrowed her guitar until I knew it was something I would stick with. Now I have 8 or 9 guitars. Hannah bought me a jumbo for Christmas and I am already looking at what my next guitar purchase will be. I love gadgets. Anything cool or quirky or tech-y I feel a compulsion to own. The only thing is, I can’t buy every guitar I want AND every new gadget I run across. I’m limited by both time and money (often more limited by money than time). I’m a grown man and I sometimes fall into a deep funk because I simply can’t have everything I want. I started trying to teach my boys how to deal with the reality of that disappointment early in life. That being said, they have way too many toys and gadgets and what-nots. We go through their toys about 4 times a year and fill two or three bags with stuff to donate to a ministry or thrift store. My guys are not without all the essential little things a boy needs to torture his parents and get into trouble.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there has to be a little give and take. Kids need their parents to help teach them how to cope with some of life’s more painful realities and parents need kids to help them learn not the be totally self-absorbed lunatics. I can’t stand Bob The Builder (who ever heard of building a house in one day?) but we still watch the show and listen to the song from time to time. Caleb wants every item that’s ever been sold on an infomercial (I HATE MOONSAND) but he has to settle for the ones Hannah and I deem wise purchases. We sure aren’t perfect and don’t have all the answers, but it seems to work pretty well for us.