“Do you love me?”“I think so, why?”
“Will you go to the grocery store for me?”
I sure am glad we have such a healthy relationship founded on all things good and beautiful.
This past summer Hannah had a young couple tell her that she and I were their ideal example for a husband and wife. They obviously don’t know us very well. Their point was that we mess with one another. We joke around and poke fun at each other and it's obvious that we're friends as well as husband and wife. That is one of the pillars of our relationship; God, Love, Commitment, and never missing an opportunity to keep one another humble through the clever use of ‘so’s your face’. When we first met her sense of humor had suffered a stunted growth. She said something really funny once every six months. One of my favorite memories is a conversation that started when she was getting a little big for her britches. (not a fat joke)
This past summer Hannah had a young couple tell her that she and I were their ideal example for a husband and wife. They obviously don’t know us very well. Their point was that we mess with one another. We joke around and poke fun at each other and it's obvious that we're friends as well as husband and wife. That is one of the pillars of our relationship; God, Love, Commitment, and never missing an opportunity to keep one another humble through the clever use of ‘so’s your face’. When we first met her sense of humor had suffered a stunted growth. She said something really funny once every six months. One of my favorite memories is a conversation that started when she was getting a little big for her britches. (not a fat joke)
“Listen here sassy pants; I don’t need any of your attitude.” - me
“You wouldn’t know sass if it slapped you in the face.” - her
Fortunately I’ve had influence on her over the years and now her sense of humor is almost as warped as mine. She really is my best friend (much to the disappointment of a buddy of mine who doesn’t understand that bromances, much less one sided ones, only work in sitcoms).
I think we all want to have a model marriage. Who gets married with vows like, “I solemnly promise to pursue mediocrity and a statistically appropriate marriage for our society.”? That got me thinking; What exactly is a model marriage? Some people look at my relationship with Hannah and label it as shallow and childish (because they’re stinky butt poopoo heads). Some think that Hannah runs our household. Some think Hannah is a poor mistreated and misguided submissive wife. They’re all wrong, but how do you quest after the model marriage if you can’t even really define one? I think that there are some absolutes, some guidelines, and then the rest is just details.
A marriage must be founded on common ground and the only true common ground to be found among humans is in faith in Christ. Within that faith, a husband must choose to love his wife to the point of giving himself up for her as Christ did the church. A wife must choose to submit to the Godly leadership of her husband. (I’m not going to do a whole schpeal on Biblical submission because if you don’t get it now, I’ll never argue you into understanding it). We must choose only one (sorry mormons) and commit to be with one another as long as we live. It’s wise to pursue your spouse as your best friend and not only your lover.
A little standard of my own…. Your spouse should always come before your children. If you really want to do what’s best for your children, you’ll work to ensure that your marriage is healthy and stable so that you can provide the optimal environment to raise them in.
The strange thing is that within our society we have put all the emphasis on the details and let the absolutes and guidelines fall into the periphery. It’s sad that our priorities are so out of whack. It’s just as accepted within the evangelical church as society in general and we’re the ones who claim to have all the answers. No one accepts ‘do as I say and not as I do’ after the age of four (and if you’ve got a kid like Caleb, it never works).
What I’m really getting at is this: Work out the important parts of your marriage; faith, love, and commitment, and then just find who you are together and enjoy it. I think that many marriages would be in a lot better place if they’d stop obsessing about all the useless junk that makes up a life and just started enjoying one together. Surely the majority of us really truly enjoyed our spouse at one point in our relationship, who’s to say that’s forever lost? Sure people change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still like them…. Just look at Darius Rucker.
If you can’t enjoy your marriage then you’re in for a miserable road and you can’t enjoy your marriage unless you try. If you want someone to fulfill all your needs and serve your every want and desire find a genie in a magic lamp. If you want a happy, healthy, fruitful marriage find your absolutes, establish your guidelines and then spend the rest of your lives together trying to find out who you are as a couple. I guarantee that the marriage that Hannah and I share together is exponentially greater than the sum of its parts… and you too can have a marriage like this for the small onetime fee of $7,000. Make your checks payable to Jeremy Tate; 304 W……..
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