I had a real job once....

In May of 2006 we found ourselves back in my home town actually living with my parents for a time while I did some work on one of their rental properties to prepare it to receive our wild bunch. I started trying to build business in carpentry and remodeling to support our family, and continued to pursue ministry while Hannah devoted her time to the boys. It was only a week or so before we had our first face-to-face scheduled with the pastor of the church we had been visiting with previously so we went to sit down at a local fast food joint.

Honestly I’ve been very hesitant to address the subjects that will come up over the next few weeks concerning our church and our experience with the local public school. We are in a position where we still have a small amount of contact with some of the individuals who played a major role in our lives during those times and that coupled with the fact that I don’t really like to spend time speaking ill of someone has kept much of the truth of our story silent. I have, however, come to the conclusion that I cannot tell the story without telling more of it than I have before, but I will not do so without making a few things clear. First, Hannah and I were in a very dark and difficult season in our lives and I know that it had to have made us difficult people to deal with. I never felt that way in those moments, but I would be foolish to believe that it weren’t true. Second, I will do my best to tell the story as truthfully and objectively as possible when dealing with sensitive matters, but I can only convey what I perceived and my perception is always colored. Thirdly, I will remain as vague and anonymous as possible about the most sensitive matters in order to protect the identity of those heavily involved, but if you are aware of whom I speak I beg that you do not let the information I share with you change your perception of those people. I know that is an impossible request. Hannah and I have struggled with forgiveness and bitterness over the years so the last thing we intend to do is spread animosity towards those we have fought so hard to forgive.

I probably should have seen a big red flag in our first sit down, but it seemed so small compared to all the other neon signs saying “This is it”, “Go here”, “You can finally have a staff job at a church”, and “Eat at Joe’s”. Granted, I was wearing my neon sign glasses at the time just desperate for something new and validating in my life. The interview/conversation went incredibly well with the exception of one awkward moment where the pastor chose to use a profanity to describe his deacons for what I assume was intended emphasis and shock value (the latter of which was definitely accomplished).  Hannah and I shared a look and moved forward with the conversation trying our best to put it out of our mind and doing so successfully. We sat and talked for several hours about expectations from both sides and very informally discussed the job description with its responsibilities.

I had already learned that the former youth pastor had left the church in order to pursue seminary and left on very good terms. The students and the church loved him dearly and spoke very highly of him. Some friends counseled me that it is difficult to follow an act like that, but I had confidence in my abilities to wow the crowd just like my predecessor. As is often the case, my eyes were too big for my stomach, but more on that later.

After the first sit-down we scheduled an evening to come meet the youth council made up of a few adults and parents, and a few students. Given the place that the twins were in, we chose to leave them at home with my parents while we went to this meeting because we knew if we spent the entire time trying to manage them we would not be able to spend any time getting to know any of our future church family. I should have known better. I was trying my absolute best to portray our family as perfect for the job. I was operating under the assumption that we needed to be perfect and our boys were not perfect and so they needed to be left out of the picture for this part so we could keep up the guise. I am ashamed that I behaved that way but it was never a conscious thought. I need you to understand that there are more things than I can count over the coming years that I am ashamed of and I cannot explain myself at each instance, but since I am doing my best to be completely open and honest even when it’s messy I need to beg a little grace and understanding from you when you encounter something that may shock or embarrass you.

We managed another good meeting in spite of another awkward moment where the pastor asked me to explain in front of the group how I justified marrying one of my former students from youth ministry (he asked in jest, but it was awkward regardless). I explained that Hannah is only 6 months younger than me and I was never a minister when she was a student. We enjoyed our visit and genuinely believed that this was the church that God intended for us to serve at. Another week or so passed and we attended a Sunday morning service to be presented to the church and voted on. After church we were escorted to the fellowship hall while the church voted and a few moments later given the news that the church felt the same as we did. We were hired. I was a youth minister. We left at 7 AM the next morning with 15 students for camp.